2013 was filled with ups and downs for myself. I anticipated that I would compete again in March until I discovered that my grandfather was deathly ill. Everything else was sort of put to the wayside at that point.
I spent many months with my dear grandfather who was dying which gave me much time to reflect on those things that really mattered most. Although I felt this sort of made me 'absent' in some of my friends' lives, all in all I felt that it was necessary.
As he was preparing to pass, my grandfather talked to me about what matters most in life. His wife, his kids and being able to reflect back on his heroic time here on this earth - hoping that he had done everything right by his family and experienced all of the things that he had wanted.
It was soon after this conversation that I began to consider quitting my job. I started analyzing why I had become a nurse in the first place. I missed my interactions with patients. I am one of those nurses who became a nurse because it was what I always wanted. I wanted to help people. I wanted to take care of them. I was working for a reputable company with people I loved, but I was at a desk Monday through Friday and it limited my ability to spend time with my family and do the things outdoors that I really enjoyed. I wasn't able to volunteer like I used to and although I was still going to the gym, it began to feel more like a chore than a hobby.
I began focusing more on my relationships. Relationships with Manfriend, with my brothers and with the people that I love. I spent weekends at home or on the mountain or in the gym, drank less and focused on my health more. I quit my desk job and started working at a hospital again. I began volunteering at a local ski resort that allows me to spend time volunteering and snowboarding at the same time. I am running more. I am healthier and I am happier. Manfriend and I got engaged this month. He started lifting weights with me. We go to yoga together. We have started discussing traveling out of the country more.
The older I get, the more that I realize how quickly our time here can pass and how important it is to focus on what we want and what is truly important. We are all too often told what we 'should' want, but I believe that we should each take the time to reflect on what we actually want. There were many colleagues of mine, at the desk job and the hospital, who thought that me quitting was ludicrous. I took a $4 an hour pay cut to work at the hospital again, lost very good insurance and gave up my weekends and holidays. I am happier and that is worth every cent lost. I never became a nurse for the money, anyway.
As for competing, I may have given up on that dream for now. My focus this year is my health. My health for me. The desire to compete again has sort of drifted away and since then my gains in the gym have almost doubled. Without the pressure of competition, I have been able to increase what I am lifting beyond what I had ever thought I could.
This year, focus on you. What others think does not matter. What others believe you should want doesn't matter either. If you want a house with a white picket fence, do that. If you want to travel, do that. If you want to run a marathon, do that. When it all boils down to your last breath, what matters in this life is how you lived it.
As always, I wish nothing but the best for you all. Happiness and Health.
-Summy
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